“I see you over there preparing for your unmedicated birth wondering what to ask in a doula consultation… As a doula who’s been in many birth spaces, I’m sharing the 10 questions I would ask to find the perfect fit. Think beyond the generic Google lists! These questions help you understand how a doula serves, supports your birth plan, and works with your spouse and care team, so you can feel confident and supported on your birth day.”
You deserve more than generic answers! You can pull so much information from your doula by the questions you ask.
I have been asked the most generic questions during a doula consultation, and I have the basic answers. I have searched “top questions to ask a doula during a consultation”, myself. I have seen the 10 questions that pop up on the front page of google. I have answers for each one, because the amount of moms that come with that list screenshotted on their phone is more than you would think. I don’t blame them. They are driving to meet a doula for the first time and panic on the way there because they realize they made all the effort to get a meeting on the calendar, but forgot to research further (pregnancy brain hits hard). To be honest, they may not even be sure exactly what a doula is, they just know if they are going to go unmedicated, they need one!
It makes me so sad when you reach out with your due date and I am already fully booked, or when you live too far for me to travel. But I want to help you find the perfect Doula to welcome into your sacred birth space! Here are the top 10 questions I would ask if I was interviewing a doula! (I won’t judge you if you bring this list to interview me, I promise!)
We want to draw out more information than the usual “How long have you been a doula?” “How many births have you attended?” “What does a doula do?” (Okay, maybe that one is important to know). The truth is, it does not matter how long someone has been a doula. If they don’t serve you in the way you want to be served, no amount of experience will save that situation. Plus, if a new doula is certified and a right fit for you, give them a chance! They will be fresh and ready to go! Keep interviewing until you find the perfect match! I would say it is pretty important not to settle on this decision.
What we are looking for is are they the RIGHT fit for YOU? Screenshot and save this to take to your interview!
- What made you desire to become a doula? Tell me about how you got to where you are today! (This tells us if they are still on fire for what they do! See if they light up telling this story!)
- What does your life look like outside of your doula career? (This tells you what their commitment to their family, friends and community looks like. You can also lead into a conversation about how they are supported to drop what they are doing when you call to tell them you are in labor! ie. If they have kids, what does their support system look like? Do they travel a lot? Do y’all have any common interests?)
- How many births do you take in a month?/If two moms are in labor at the same time, how would you handle that situation? (While this doesn’t tell us everything, it does give some insight. Things happen. People get sick, etc. BUT you don’t want a doula who is booked so thin that they don’t give you the attention you deserve. Every doula will have a different capacity. So ask how they juggle it all if they do have a lot of moms in a month! Remembering, they also fit in prenatals, postpartum follow up visits, etc.)
- What is your doula process and what do you charge (if that is not clear on their website)? (Everyone will have a different process. Typically they meet for a certain number of prenatal visits and do a postpartum follow up visit. What is their focus during each visit? What is their availability to you outside of their set meetings? Can you call and text them and build a trusting relationship with them outside of those set times?)
- Is there anything that you specialize in that sets you apart? / What are your strengths and weaknesses as my birth support? (Shockingly enough, doulas have a lot of super powers such as staying up for 40+ hours if that’s what a mom needs, but they also have weaknesses! Let’s put it on the table! For example, mine is that I live 45 minutes from the nearest hospital! So if a mom knows she is a precipitous birther, I may not be the right fit for her! But if she is a rural homebirth-er in my county, that could be a benefit! My specialty is that I offer photography and documentary filming as an add on, if that’s your jam, let’s go! See where I am going? This could help narrow down your options!)
- Ask some situational questions that are important to your birth desires! For example: If I am in the throes of contractions and I have lost my mind and I don’t feel like I can do it anymore, but an epidural is not on the table for me, how would you handle that situation?; If I am stuck with prodromal labor for three weeks before I go into active labor, how will you help me navigate that?; If my provider is pushing unnecessary intervention, what are some ways you help me stay close to my birth plan?; What tools do you bring in your doula bag that help potential positional issues that might be causing back labor or less than ideal presentation of the baby?; What are some of your go-to comfort measures that help me get through each contraction?; If my labor goes past 20 hours, is there a max you would be able to stay with me? How would you refuel yourself so you can keep supporting a long birth? (You can seriously ask anything, especially if you are trying to avoid a situation from a previous labor! Try not to waste a lot of time digging into your birth plan just yet, you will get to that in a future prenatal visit after you hire her! Keep getting to know her and how she serves, first!)
- How do you work alongside the birth team I am forming to support my needs? Where do you see your role being an integral part of my team/what is your approach during labor? How do you plan to support my husband so that he can best support me? What has your experience been with my care provider? What is your approach with working alongside the nurses or birth assistants? (Is she a hands on doula that takes the lead or does she follow someone else’s lead in the room? There is no wrong answer here. You know what kind of doula you need! Some of my athletes love a “coach” approach, some of my leaders like someone who will do whatever is needed for them at the moment. Some of my less confident dads want someone that will tell them what to do so they can be the hero! You may listen and figure out if she is well respected in the birth centers or hospitals by how she answers these questions as well! You can ask how they read the room if needs change during labor since you may not know what you will need during labor just yet.)
- How will you uphold my birth plan even if there is pushback? If there is a medically necessary need that deviates us from the birth plan, how will you approach that? (This will probably tell you if your doula is a fiery, take-charge type of gal or if she is more passive and calm. We also want to know that she can help you stay in a good headspace if things do change, because sometimes birth cannot be controlled.)
- How does your faith tie into your passion for this career? Where do you go to Church? Will you come alongside us in worship and prayer throughout labor? (This may not be a question for everyone, but it is worth noting that birth is a miracle and you are most vulnerable during labor! If you are a Christian, I will tell you time and time again how the Holy Spirit is so present in the birth space. It may be important to you to make sure your doula aligns!)
- What are the next steps in this process and when can we expect to hear from you next? (Yay! You’re ready to hire, or you may be interviewing other doulas, and that is great, too! But get a clear picture of what the next step is in the process before you go so you know if the ball is in her court or yours! Most doulas will have a contract or agreement for you to sign and a deposit to put down to be able to mark your due date on their calendar! If you are interviewing other doula’s, just let her know and get back with her after you have had the chance to make a final decision! It is most helpful to send a sweet follow up text letting her know if you decide to go with someone else! She will be excited that you found the perfect match for you! But this helps her know to leave availability on her calendar for the next client!)
These questions should give you a really great grasp on how your doula serves and if she is the perfect fit for you! Chances are, y’all will be friends long after you birth this baby!
If you live in Texas in Brazos or Robertson Country (or surrounding areas) and you’re ready to set up a consultation and ask me some of these questions – You can call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me! (Sorry, I couldn’t resist).
